When your local ISP gives you abysmal upload speeds but a static IPv4 so you can announce to anyone

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Pirates of the Caribbean 1 meme: "You are without doubt the worst pirate I've ever heard of." "But you ..."You are without doubt the worst pirate I've ever heard of." "But you ... "You are without doubt the worst pirate I've ever heard of." "But you have heard of me."

Still, the bandwidth is awful for the price. I can switch to a way faster plan with another provider (plus a VPN) for a smaller price. Which $10 VPN with open ports would you recommend?

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